Fall in Love With Yourself

29 Oct

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I have been meaning to write for a while – I had everything I wanted to say all lined up – and I never got around to it. Then, last night, I posted a tweet and have been receiving so much feedback to it that I literally just jumped out of bed and am typing this in my pyjamas. I won’t think about it too much – I’ll post it right away – and hopefully this will get me back on the pretty choo-choo train of blogging regularly again.

I live in Scotland now. I’m at university, majoring in Anthropology with Hispanic Studies. Additionally, I am taking French and Spanish lessons and Literature in a World Context. I’ve joined the gymnastics, yoga and juggling society and have started an acrobatics group within the juggling society. We are currently trying to find a scaffolding so that we can put a man on top of it to drill a hole through a beam in one of the rooms, so that we can hang my aerials silks up there and I can start teaching aerials. A lot of people are excited and waiting for it. Especially me.

A few pictures from the last month that mean a lot to me:

my acrobatics group

my acrobatics group

my bedroom early in the morning, when I leave it to go to university

my bedroom early in the morning, when I leave it to go to university

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a rainbow outside my window

standing with two incredible people, talking about life, growing up, having our roots in different cultures - and discovering that we have the same skin colour

standing with two incredible people talking about life, growing up, having our roots in different cultures – and discovering that we have the same skin colour

how very Scottish (on the way to uni)

how very Scottish (on the way to uni)

I can feel that coming here was the right decision. I made the most of my first month, running around getting to know many fascinating and sweethearted people, but after throwing myself into university life, I hit the one-month-peak last night. It had been building up to it, and began to feel a bit lost. Somehow, a friend I met in Perú began to chat with me and in that moment I thought: I’m not going to hide how sad I feel tonight. I told him, and he immediately got on skype – and put gold back into the night.

I tweeted the main thing he said – and with all the feedback that came back, I think I’ll share some of the other gems of wisdom he sprinkled on my head. I’ll share the things I wrote in my diary. And in the end, I’ll share a video that a friend recently showed me, that may give you a new perspective on the whole damned thing.

on Aberdeen beach

on Aberdeen beach

I’ll change the conversation we had a little bit, because this time I am passing the message on to you. This is for you, with your feedback: this is what I have to say to what you wrote about my tweet:

Fall in love with yourself again. The people you called into your life, you called to teach you lessons, and if they leave, you called them to learn that lesson. But if I ever see you again, I swear this time I will never let you go. Maybe you have to go through some mud now but you’re just at the peak of your potential, and when we speak again in a few months, or a few weeks, I believe we’ll start to see the gold shining through and mud slipping off. Yes, perhaps you scare people off – but trust me darling, you’re scaring off the right ones. 

I remember exotic, magnificent dreams. I remember the Caribbean, the Mediterranean. I remember diving in the ocean, colours, and tropical rainstorms. The magic remains with me. But when winter comes the memory that fades the last is the pillow talk, and quiet laughter, the sharing. All the moments when I thought: “I could be doing something else.” All the moments when I thought: “I’ll just finish this quickly and then get on with my life.” Those are the moments I look back on and see: they were when I loved myself.

I am about to go into the desert and I want to do it as consciously as I can. I want to talk into it slowly. I want to see it fully, taste it on my tongue, roll it around in my mouth. I want to see this desert I am walking into and know that it contains all of me. I want to face myself without the fear. I deserve this chance. 

And those, my dear friends, are my thoughts on falling in love with yourself.

Thank you for the conversations we had (on twitter, on email), and know that they inspired me to jump out of bed and blog as quickly as I could – for the first time in Scotland. So many other things I was meaning to say in my blog; perhaps I’ll never get around to saying them because, perhaps, they weren’t important.

Now I have to quickly get dressed, have breakfast and run to my Spanish class.

I hope you love the following video. Give yourself the time to watch it.

OVERVIEW from Planetary Collective on Vimeo.

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