How to Use a Condom Properly

17 Dec

Interpol (International Criminal Police Organisation) has decided, for the good of all mankind, to teach the proper use of condoms.

Recently, the non-profit organisation Wikileaks published cables that, after escaping from the loathsome bowels of the U.S government, embarrassed politicians all over the world. And they gave us all front row seats to watch the slow death of democracy. Have a glance at the cables here.

Hillary Clinton (Secretary of State) was greatly displeased. She had told U.S diplomats to collect fingerprints, DNA samples and credit card numbers of United Nations officials. Her attack on the international community was made public by Wikileaks. Yet she somehow misunderstood and said that the publication was an “attack on the international community”.

Sarah Palin (former Governor of Alaska and vice-president nominee) was given great mental discomfort. She had been illegally using her Yahoo! account to send government emails, and when Wikileaks published that, she decided that this could only mean that Julian Assange now had “blood on his hands”. Perhaps she doesn’t entirely know what blood is and where it comes from? But she was sure she did, so she demanded that Assange be hunted down like an Al-Qaeda terrorist. Get used to it, because this will be the norm when she becomes president in 2012.

Her fellow Republicans were less gracious: Newt Gingrich suggested Assange be “kidnapped and tortured”; Mike Huckabee demanded the “death penalty” and radio commentator Rush Limbaugh said on his show: “Back in the old days when men were men and countries were countries, this guy would die of lead poisoning from a bullet in the brain.”

But none of this matters, because that’s not why Interpol was looking for Assange. O no, Interpol decided to take a break from fighting human trafficking, genocide and child pornography in order to teach Julian Assange how to properly use a condom. It had nothing whatsoever to do with the world’s biggest war machine seething for his blood.

Julian Assange got into trouble in Sweden, because his condom broke during consensual sex, and in Sweden, this can count as rape. Sweden’s law states that if anything occurs during sex that one of the partners doesn’t feel comfortable with, it can count as rape. It’s a broader definition which feels, to me, like it was passed to simply help and protect people. And not to put a lead on Interpol and go hunting. But moving on…

Lady Number 1 invited Assange to live in her house and expressed outrage days after the condom broke. Lady Number 2 expressed worry when Assange refused to use a condom during the second round of even more consensual sex. Interpol tsks condescendingly at Assange’s obvious faux pas and issues a red notice. If only Interpol would worry this much about women everywhere.

So Assange was put into solitary confinement for eight days because he didn’t use a condom properly. He was denied bail because he didn’t use a condom properly. When his bail was finally accepted, it was £240,000 in cash, because he didn’t use a condom properly. He was freed on the condition that he stay at a friend’s place in East Anglia, UK. He has to report to the police everyday and he has been given a curfew, because he didn’t use a condom properly. He must wear an electronic tag, because he didn’t use a condom properly. Interpol is sure that this has nothing to do with one big angry government.

We can all rest easy now that Interpol let international injustice wait, while taking these necessary steps in teaching Julian Assange how to use a condom properly. But Sweden doesn’t seem convinced yet. They want him to return so that they can question him if he fully understood how to use a condom properly. The U.S may need some convincing too, so Sweden may have to extradite Assange. As we all know, the U.S has …stronger ways… of asking people questions.

As far as broken condoms go, I will applaud if the issue of rape and molestation were the priority to the governments involved. Being a woman, I want consensual sex to be merry for all to the end. But I’ll believe that this is the priority to the governments on the day they stop lying, when they allow the media to report on all their wars, and when the people living in third world countries are no longer the victims of their terrible politics.

Now perhaps Interpol can go back to things that really matter, like women who are not having consensual sex and suffering greatly because of it. I’m looking at Somalia’s rape victims. That is the war. Letting that happen is the blood on our hands.

Well, children, I can’t end this delightful explanation of modern justice without a morale!

The moral of this story is that your actions are actually always real, even if you’re keeping them secret from everyone else! Governments might not believe it, but this rule actually applies to them too! And if someone finds out and tells everyone what you’ve been doing… Well, you’ll have no one to blame but yourself!

How about this: Stop shooting the messenger, start being honest, and try actually helping someone.

Let’s here what the WOMEN have to say about this, and NOT the governments.




A further interesting read by Naomi Wolf, entitled

“Sweden, Britain and Interpol insult Rape Victims Worldwide”

“That is not the State embracing feminism.

That is the State pimping feminism”.


4 Responses to “How to Use a Condom Properly”

  1. Akinkanju December 21, 2010 at 5:21 pm #

    Good conclusion! In the end, there are no secrets, no hidden agenda.

  2. Sonja December 22, 2010 at 10:30 am #

    Wow, love your article! Excellent! And I completely agree with you.

    What is happening right now is that women are pictured as helpless creatures who don’t know how to say ‘no’. Naomi Wolf was very good in that debate. If you do not consent, you have to say so, the man cannot know otherwise. And a so-called ‘rape victim’ who actually argues “she couldn’t be bothered to tell him one more time because she had been going on about the condom all night. ” (see The Guardian) is really beyond my understanding. If I cannot be ‘bothered’ to say no, I cannot go and cry rape days after the incident. This really makes me ashamed to be a woman.

    To quote Naomi Wolf ‘shame on Interpol; shame on Britain. And lasting shame, given this farcical hijacking of a sex crime law that is scarcely ever enforced in Sweden in far less ambiguous contexts, on the United States of America.’

    • rittisoncco December 22, 2010 at 1:58 pm #

      Dear Sonja, thank you very much for reading and thanks for your reply! Personally, I worry that there *may* be an issue of sorts, because the women went to the police *before* the bombshell Wikileaks threw on November 28th. But it seems they went to the police concerned primarily about STDs and wanted to find a way to get Assange to have himself tested. What deeply worries me is that the very real and very important issue of rape is now being abused and masqueraded in order to smear and capture a man who obviously pissed off people in very high places. To *abuse* rape in this way infuriates me!

      I’m also becoming increasingly alarmed by people verbally attacking the women, so that one should flee to Palestine because she doesn’t feel safe in Sweden anymore?! You can’t fight fire with fire, and Assange’s fans are taking it a too far. I hope you agree with me!

      This is an issue between Assange and the women, and any political agenda- above all: Wikileaks -should be left out of it. Governments and politicians make it a happy habit to look for dirt on someone’s plate; *anything* to use against someone. But using rape is an brutal insult, a twisted lie to women everywhere. If there was *any* sexual molestation, or if *any* little thing happened between Assange and those women that the women didn’t really want, well, that is an issue for them and must be settled OUTSIDE the public eye. But it *must* be settled, because a rape charge should ALWAYS be taken seriously. I’m concerned about Assange followers “attacking” these women because that’s not right. Whatever the motives of the women may be, I believe that this thing was blown out of proportion and out of their control and it’s governments using them as puppets in order to arrest Assange. And *that* would feel like rape to me too…!

      Being a woman and believing in a bond between women everywhere, I’m starting to think that the best move would be to help and support these women, because anyone who worries she was raped must be helped, no matter how unreal this worry may be. Also: if Assange’s followers helped & supported these women, then no government could use them against Assange anymore.

  3. K.D. January 10, 2011 at 12:58 pm #

    I absolutely agree with most of what you said about how the governments should care for all women, especially in war zones like Somalia, I am especially shocked about what happens in Congo, but concerning the laws in Sweden and the charges against Assange, I’d like you to read this:


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